Who Really Killed the Taco Bell Dog?
by sleepy-geeky
Summary: three youngest Brotherhood members try to solve the ageold mystery, and Lance gets caught in the middle. [Humor, Brotherhood, Season 2, Minor Lancitty]


Who Really Killed the Taco Bell Dog?

Rating: G

Part: 1/1

A/N: I don't know. I have a strange obsession with the Taco Bell Dog -- it started with those Godzilla commercials -- "I d'ink I need a bigger box" and sort of evolved from there. I have one of him with a Christmas hat on that says "Merry Christmas, friends" in Spanish and I chase people around with it at Christmas. So, since the Brotherhood Boys are of equally simple minds as myself, I thought this would only be fitting… Hope you have as much fun reading as I did writing. 

Summery: The three youngest Brotherhood members try to solve the age-old mystery, and Lance gets caught in the middle. [Humor, Brotherhood, Season 2, Minor Lancitty]

* * * 

Lance opened the door with a sigh. Today hadn't exactly been the best of days; he had another detention and they were threatening him with the free lunch program again. He slammed his keys down on the foyer table and dumped his backpack in the mutual pile.

He figured that he would spend an afternoon on the couch in self pity, but little did he know, he would have more to deal with than usual.

As he walked into the living room, he was attacked by Toad. 

  
"Where were you on the night of September the thirty-first? Huh? ANSWER ME!" He shook Lance. The oldest Brotherhood member was confused.

"I don't know…"

"He's guilty! He did it! You weren't anywhere on September 31st because there isn't one! You did it! Why did you do it? Why did you do it, Lance, why?" Toad fell into a puddle on the floor.

Pietro was the next to assault him. He was dressed in a Sherlock Holmes-style outfit, complete with magnifying glass.

"Don't think you can run! Don't think you can hide! We know you're guilty!" He screamed. Blob sat in the center of the room, dressed in clothes reminiscent of the sixties. He had Lance's acoustic guitar slung over his massive shoulder and strummed it tunelessly.

"Who killed the Taco bell dog?" He chanted, off-key. 

"Lance did it!" Toad sprang up suddenly, accosting Lance before he could escape to the relative sanity of the kitchen. "Lance killed the Taco Bell dog!" Suddenly, there was a loud whoop from the front staircase. Tabitha came down, imitating a siren.

"You have the right to remain insane! Anything you say can and will be used against you!" She shouted, flipping handcuffs around in her hands. Lance's eyes widened. This wasn't good.

Before he could move, Pietro tackled him and put him in a headlock. Lance fought, but even though he was stronger than the slender blonde*, he couldn't escape. Tabitha slapped one hand cuff on him and the other on the TV stand.

"He did it! He's the murderer! He killed the Taco Bell d--" Toad stopped when there was a ring at the doorbell.

He tilted his head and hopped curiously over. Pietro was there before him, however, and opened the door to receive Kitty.

She stood at the door, leaning around to look inside the house.

"Have you guys seen Lance? I was supposed to meet him in the library at lunch, but he totally didn't show." 

"He was too busy killing Mr. Taco Bell dog!" Todd snapped from the floor. Kitty blinked, trying to shove her way into the house. 

"Lance?" She called.

From the living room, Lance squirmed around to try and get Kitty's attention. Tabitha quickly slapped a piece of duct tape over his mouth.

"Mmmph! Mmmpy, mmmmlmh mmmh!" Kitty understood through-tape babble from her year and a half living with the infamous prankster Kurt Wagner.

"Oh no! Lance!" She phased through and into the living room, only to be accosted by Tabitha.

"Stop! The suspect is armed and dangerous! He killed the Taco Bell dog!" Todd squeaked. Lance rolled his eyes. 

"Who killed the taco bell dog?" Fred continued to sing, not phased by the madness 

around him.

"I don't know, but Lance didn't do it!" Kitty shouted, gently phasing the duct tape off Lance's mouth.

"Thank you, Kitty. Could you get me out of these?" Lance gestured to the handcuffs. Kitty grinned for a moment, but a moment was too long, because Pietro screamed, "He must go on trial for his crimes against humanity!" 

"But the Taco Bell dog was a dog, not a human," Todd pointed out.

"Fine! His crimes against dogity! I don't care! Just put him on trial!" Pietro whisked himself away and returned in a Judge's robe. 

"Kitty," Lance whispered. Kitty glanced at him. "Yeah?"

"Don't make any sudden moves and play along with their delusions. It's safer that way." Kitty grinned, pushing up the sleeves of her sweater.

"Your honor, my client, Mr. Alvers, pleads not guilty to the charge of murdering the Taco Bell dog," She stated calmly.

"Your honor, the state has sufficient evidence to try Lance Alvers for the murder of one Mr. Taco Bell dog!" 

"Fine. Bailiff, what do you think?" Pietro looked to Tabitha, who was still dressed as a Police officer.

"I think he's guilty, your honor!" 

"Objection, your honor! The bailiff is just trying to cover her own tracks because she did, in fact, murder Mr. Taco Bell dog in the bathroom with the handcuffs!" Kitty pointed an accusing finger at Tabby, who's eyes narrowed evilly. 

"Yes! It was me! I did it, and I'll do it again! I killed the Taco Bell dog, and there's nothin' you can do about it!" 

While the uproar over Tabitha's confession was still going strong, Lance and Kitty quietly snuck out the back door. 

Lance glanced at Kitty as they climbed into the jeep.

"You're getting better at this."

* * * 

* Yes, as Pietro fan 1 I know that he has SILVER HAIR, but anyone with LIGHT HAIR (white, silver, yellow) is referred to as a blonde for the sake of convenience. 


End file.
